Happy New Year 2024 (1-1-2024)

Happy New Year to all who have visited my website and followed my blog as well as to those who will find me in this space this year.

I like to believe each day represents a new opportunity or at least the hope of a new opportunity. Certainly many of us inside and out of prison see the change of a calendar year as an even greater hope for change in the year to come.

I think change is a uniquely human aspect of life and is one of many things that set us apart from all other living things. Of course, God created all life with the ability to adapt but He instilled in us something more deliberate than “adaptation” We have the ability to change our thoughts which can change our behaviors which can then change our actions which ultimately can and often does change our lives.

I was recently given a question in a group discussion about whether or not ” guilt” was a good or a bad thing. My answer is that guilt IS a good thing. I believe it’s the key that unlocks the door to repentance, forgiveness, reform, reconciliation and restoration.

If we never feel guilt about having done wrong we will never experience the changes in life that are so important to the human experience.

In April of last year my wife and I launched this website which has given me a platform to share my history and how I have come to be in prison for the last 25 years. This has been a new experience for me. “Social media” wasn’t even a thing when I got incarcerated in 1999. Subsequently, I have been trying to find my way as well as my voice through this platform.

My mother passed away last May and in the wake of her passing I have thought a lot about the conversations we would have and the things she taught me.

Mom used to say that we ALL want to be understood but how many of us put in as much effort to be understanding as we do to be understood?

It has recently occurred to me that in my efforts to be understood I have failed to express my understanding about how my choices and my actions have affected other people. In doing so I have taken for granted that my profound guilt, regret, remorse and repentance for my actions were somehow understood by others simply because the things I’ve done happened so long ago.

I was recently talking with someone who loves and cares for me and I made a statement that I have repeated many times to many different people over the last 25 years. Imagine my surprise when I was lovingly but firmly corrected and told, “Jeff this just isn’t true.”

It is an unfortunate circumstance in life when we begin to believe a thing because it’s been repeated enough times. Thankfully love tells us the truth and gives us an objective perspective about ourselves.

For many years I have repeated that I have served decades in prison despite the fact I have no victims and that I have never hurt anyone.

This simply isn’t true and it grieves me to realize how I have downplayed my actions and appeared to have never accepted responsibility for those actions.

The Bible says in Proverbs 28:13 “He who conceals his sin never prospers, whosoever confesses it and leaves it finds forgiveness.”

For many years and even more recently in this space I have expressed how I believe I’ve paid my debt to society through the “currency” of the 25 years I’ve been incarcerated. However, I don’t think one can PAY a debt without continuing to ACKNOWLEDGE the debt exists. Tragically, I have been too preoccupied with trying to be understood and in the process I appear to have failed to continue to take accountability for my actions which had real consequences for real people.

I have been so blinded by what I believed was an injustice committed against me that I have failed to properly convey the deep sorrow and remorse I feel for the wrongs I have committed against others. It is my hope and my desire that I can correct that here in this space by acknowledging that I DO in fact and have always understood the harm I have perpetuated on innocent and undeserving people who are also my victims.On November 2, 2005 I had been incarcerated for 6 years of a 26 year prison sentence. I was being transported to a hospital outside the prison for medical treatment when I assaulted one of the 2 officers who were guarding me by punching him in the head. I then disarmed him and quickly disarmed the other guard at gunpoint. I then ran out into the community armed with 2 stolen guns where I encountered several different people as I ran. I demanded the car keys of an elderly woman who was coming into the hospital as I was fleeing out of it. I can’t imagine her terror as she handed me her keys. I quickly threw her keys to the ground and ran into the woods. I then entered into a business that turned out to be a nursing home. There I encountered 2 female nurses who I demanded keys and a car. When they informed me they had neither I ran back out the way I came. I know I had no right to impose on their lives that way on that day.From there I ran into a furniture store where I walked onto the office of the manager who was talking to a young couple who I can only imagine was purchasing furniture when I interrupted them. I indicated I was armed and I demanded keys and a cell phone. I was handed keys to a Ford Explorer I found parked in front of the store.Everyone of these people are my victims. I hurt the prison guard when I punched him in the head and I can only imagine the fear and the terror I imposed on the other people I encountered that day.I would go on to get into that vehicle and lead the police on a high speed chase down a public highway that was occupied by countless people. All of whom were put in danger by me that day. As well as the danger I put the police in who chased and apprehended me.

To be clear, it’s not that I never felt sorrow or remorse. I did so immediately. I wrote letters of repentance to my victims and asked for their forgiveness. I ultimately plead guilty and apologized in open court to those who appeared.I was devastated with guilt, shame and embarrassment. Imagine how terrible I felt having terrorized so many innocent lives. Especially after insisting for 6 years I was innocent and did not belong in prison. One of the earliest lessons we learn in life is that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. I had truly lost my way.I would cry uncontrollably for weeks and months following my return to the prison after those 30 minutes of insanity. I contemplated suicide because I didn’t know how I could ever live with myself and the things I had done.I spent five years in solitary confinement for this incident  that led to an additional fifty-eight and a half (58.5) years sentence,that is, a total of more than 80 years of sentence.I have always said but for the grace of God I would not have survived the guilt and the shame I felt.

I began this discussion by recounting how I was asked the question did I think guilt was a good thing. I have shared with you my response that guilt is good and serves a purpose and then I added it’s important we don’t stay guilt ridden.I have acknowledged how wrong my actions were that day. I have expressed remorse and regret. I have asked for forgiveness of my victims, my family, society and my God. I have tried over the years to forgive myself.It’s been almost 20 years ago since I acted out in that desperate plea for help. I am now a 55 year old man who doesn’t even know the guy who did those things. It’s as if I’m remembering and talking about someone else.I believe that true repentance is evidenced by a change of mind that leads to a genuine and lasting change in character and conduct.Those who know me best know that change has occurred in me. Today I am NOT a man who would ever think my behavior that day was acceptable for any reason.

It’s important for me to acknowledge I have never stopped being accountable and remorseful for my actions, although I have recently made some mistakes in how I talked about them.

I have served over 2 decades in prison and I am NOT the man I used to be. It’s hard sometimes to reconcile your old self with the person you are today. Especially after having gone through such a profound and dramatic change in thought, behavior, character and action. I am changed and therefore I know my life has changed.However, that does not give me the right to take liberties with the facts of history. I am accountable to what I’ve done and to those I’ve hurt when I was a different person many many years ago.

It is so important for me to acknowledge that as we all turn the page on 2023 and begin a new year.I am so humbled that I have people in my life who love me enough to tell me the truth. And I am sorry for appearing to have put myself and my interests before those I have hurt by my actions. I can assure them I have not forgotten them.

I pray I will never forget my mother’s lesson to work harder at understanding others than in trying to be understood as I pursue the hope of restoration back into the society I have been gone from for the last 25 years.

Thank you for your time and your interest in me.

Jeffrey Shortal